I stayed up later than normal last night
To finish a book by Alice Feeney.

Sometimes I lie.

I did
More than I now do.

I grew up in a world of secrets.
Most not mine.

Therefore, not mine to tell.

Secrets became a way of life.

And, as is the obvious outcome,
Secrets lead to lies.

The secrets I’ve kept for others
Lay locked firmly in the vault of my mind.

As I said…
They will be kept.
They are not mine.

As for my secrets,
I long ago decided
To let them out.

Most aren’t earth shattering
Or even that interesting

They are just things
I believed (sometimes wrongly)
I needed to keep to myself.

I do still lie.

Little lies that come out
Regardless of how hard
I try to stop.

How are you doing?

Great!
Thanks for asking.

(When great, clearly I’m not.)

Here’s another one that
Comes out all the time.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Or…

What are you up to today?

Not much.

Both seem to be the easiest answers
Since I’m assuming (maybe wrongly)
The people who ask
Don’t really care.

To most people,
These lies would be considered innocent.

They do no harm to others.
They are not designed to deceive.

But a lie is a lie.

And, to get to truth,
We must be willing
To reveal everything.

The most dangerous lies I tell…

Are the ones I tell myself.

It’s not because
They are so warped & twisted.

It’s because
They are used to deceive myself.

At this point in life,
I can honestly say…

All the lies I tell myself
Are hidden behind the unconscious veil.

Truth has become
Something I seek –

And embrace.

But in the past,
Lies to myself
Lay scattered everywhere.

The fundamental issue…
Why I choose to bring this up…

Not only do most of us lie,
Most of us don’t know truth.

Science would tell us
It’s impossible
Since truth is determined
By what we perceive.

What we perceive is
Determined by our thoughts, experiences, attitudes, beliefs…

Since we see what we want,
Deception is rooted in everything.

Getting to these lies
Is incredibly hard,
If not impossible at times.

The only way…

To start with the little lies
That are sprinkled throughout
Your thoughts or your days.

As with everything,
Awareness is key.

Where we keep things from others
We keep things from ourselves.

Does this really matter?

That’s for you to decide.

It’s more a matter
Of potential honor & integrity –

Or, how you choose
To live your life.

If you do go in search
Of the untruths told
To everyone (including yourself)

Understand that they are
Like weeds.

Sometimes hidden under the surface.
Sometimes hard to rip out.

But when you find them
And do finally pull them out

You’ll find clearer thoughts.
Clearer truths.

You’ll feel lighter.

Things might not feel better
(At least at first)

But given time
Getting rid of them
Will (in ways unexpected)
Positively change your life,
Your relationships with others
And your relationship with yourself.

All it takes is the courage
To let what you know
To be true for yourself
To come out.

 

christie on Twitter
christie
Learning obsessed. Growth focused. Wisdom seeking. Recovering perfectionist. In eternal struggle to tame obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Also blogging about self care at xtremeselfcare.com

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