How important is the past
In explaining the present?

I embrace the idea
Of living in the present.

The past is gone.
Nothing but a figment in our minds.

Or, if you prefer,
A set of synapse that fire together.

Does the past matter?

Is it relevant to today?

I haven’t written consistently
In what feels like
A year.

Why?

What have I been doing instead?
(A question I ask myself.)

Recently I’ve been consumed by a new activity –

Mopping the floor.

I wake around 4am.
Do some household stuff.
I mop.
I eat.
I leave to go exercise.
I come home from exercise.
I mop.

You get the picture.

I’ve been mopping every day
For weeks now.

Not all day.
Not the whole house.
Just sprinkled throughout my day.

Until a couple of weeks ago,
I can’t even remember
If I’d ever mopped before.

And, why I began
I have no idea.

What I do remember is
The first time weeks ago

When I realized
I unexpectedly got
Some sort of pleasure out of it.

That I found it soothing.
Meditative.

Who knew…
It seems to calm & center me.

So, now we cycle back to the past
In hopes of explaining the present.

Let’s recap my year.

It started with me not feeling well.
A common trend due to seasonal allergies.

I began to feel better
Only then to face a series
Of personal losses

That were so devastating to me
I became very ill.

My health dramatically declined.

I physically struggled through each day
For months.

Very slowly,
I began feeling better

Only then to injury my back,

Which had me out for a month & a half.

More recently,
My back has begun to heal.

I feel better
Although not 100%.

And, now I’ve faced with
The impending end of the year,

Which is the time
I take time off
To plan for the upcoming year.

So, here I am –
Mopping.

Mopping while I think.
Mopping while I don’t think.

I imagine myself in a monastery.
Or, an ashram

Assigned the chore
Of a mundane, repetitive task.

I see how
All the intricacies of life
Require continual, usually daily care.

I mop.
The floor is clean.

The next morning,
Or, hours later…

It’s not.

The cycle of life.

Doing something just once
Or once in a while

Has little positive impact on our life.

I wonder…

What would happen if I mopped
Every day for the rest of my life?

Could something so seemingly inconsequential
Have a profound effect
On the quality of my life?

On a deeper level,
I ask…

Would I have gotten to this place
Had I not gone through what I did?

What role did my past play?

Did all this lead me
To a place I need to be?

What if I started seeing everything,

Large & small
Inconsequential & not

As a puzzle piece?

Each piece leading to
The creation of a whole.

What if even though I can’t see it
Each experience is guiding me
Where I need to go?

 

 

 

 

christie on Twitter
christie
Learning obsessed. Growth focused. Wisdom seeking. Recovering perfectionist. In eternal struggle to tame obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Also blogging about self care at xtremeselfcare.com

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