I’m about to make some changes.

In my blog.
In my writing.
In my life.

Every time I do so,
I go from (at some semblance of) order
To creating a big mess

That then I have to clean up
Before I can move forward calmly again.

Sometimes the mess is physical.
Other times it’s more mental –

My mind struggling to let go of the old
While trying to adapt to the new.

One thing is for certain:

It never goes as smoothly as I think it should.
Or…

As smoothly as I’d like.

When I think of change
I’m very familiar with inertia.

Lack of movement (or change) keeps us in place.

There’s also the dreaded & loved comfort zone,
Which our mind spends massive amounts of energy trying to protect.

It creates stories & reasons to keep us from changing.

The mind lies.
It deceives

Almost as if it’s sole function is to protect us against change.

The more superficial the change,
The easier it is to make.
And the less time & energy required.

The deeper the change,
The steeper the climb.

I know when I’m making real change
By the way it makes me feel.

If I’m comfortable & relaxed about it,
I’m just creating a superficial film.

If I feel unsure, jittery or scared…
If my mind resists…

Then I know the change has the potential
To take me out of what now exists.

Whether it advances me forward
Or simply moves me to a different place
Will never be known
Until I allow the change time to settle & fully take hold.

One thing I remind myself of day after day…

If nothing changes,
Everything remains the same.

“How bad is that?”
You might ask.

It all depends.

On what you consider living to be.

Is it to be held in place by what is comfortable & known –
And, therefore (often wrongly) considered safe?

Or…
Is it to purposefully embrace our own potential?

Potential that can never be realized
When we hold ourselves in place
By keeping things the same.

To give up on our dreams & desires?
Figuring it’s easier & more realistic that way.

I don’t know your answer.

I do know mine.

So, as uncomfortable, scary & hard as it may be
I work now on embracing & implementing something different in my life.

I now the process will be hard.
That it’ll be far from smooth.

That I’ll question myself constantly.
Even want to turn back.

I’ll ask myself,
“If it were right, shouldn’t it be easier?”

All the while understanding
All fears, questions & doubts are my mind.
Trying to keep me safely bound to the same track.

And, in that way…
Holding me back.

 

 

 

 

christie on Twitter
christie
Learning obsessed. Growth focused. Wisdom seeking. Recovering perfectionist. In eternal struggle to tame obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Also blogging about self care at xtremeselfcare.com

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