(1:43am Wednesday morning)

For over 30 years,
The same dream haunted me –

I’m running.
Someone, something is chasing me.
If it catches me,
I’ll die.

Sometimes in the dream,
I get killed.

Other times,
I watch those I love die.

This replayed over & over again
Each & every night.

A few years ago,
My dreams shifted.
The nightmares became less frequent & intense.

Even though it softened my dreams a bit,
The new content taunted me –
As a new dream sequence
Started repeating each night.

In the past few months,
I’ve had another shift.

My dreams have become more random,
Less physically threatening.

Yet, somehow…
Even more intense.

I jolt awake several times a night
(Like I just did)
As if I stepped straight of
An alternate world.

My mind racing,
My heart pounding…
Part of me feels fully awake & alive,

While I try to hold onto
The quickly fading fragments
Of the content in my dreams

Knowing, as I always have,
That within them a message lies.

Sometimes the messages appear clear.
Other times not.

In all cases…
The vibrancy & intensity of my dream states
Are unparalleled in my waking life,

Which leaves me questioning,
Which is actually more real –

If in my dreams I feel more alive?

More importantly…
Am I missing some important message
From my subconscious mind?

Some piece of a puzzle
That would explain everything?
(And, thus give me peace of mind.)

Is this just my mind running wild
At moments when it’s tired & sleep deprived?

Cheetah on savannah in Africa

christie on Twitter
Learning obsessed. Growth focused. Wisdom seeking. Recovering perfectionist. In eternal struggle to tame obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Also blogging about self care at xtremeselfcare.com

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